Obama, Me and the Nobel Peace Prize - Unrequited Love?

In case you have been too busy wondering whether or not the awesomely named Tiger Woods' sexual affairs will go into triple digits, you may have failed to know about the other big news that has taken the international media by storm: US President Barack Hussein Obama was controversially awarded the prestigious Nobel Peace Prize award. 

Now as usual, there's been a whole lotta hoopla around the decision to award someone who had only been in office for two weeks before winning and who allegedly hasn't achieved much to receive such an accolade.   The committee who has awarded the same gong to such legends as Mother Teresa, The Red Cross and Nelson Mandela, defended their arguments in that they were awarding Obama on what he will achieve as opposed to what he's already not done.  Hmmm, remember what they say about assumptions?

So Sandwich political correspondent Minga, decided to head over to Norway to interview the man in question about these divided opinions. 

With respect to keeping it ethnic, Minga also invited her man Mahatma Gandhi (the bald dude who led India to independence from the Poms) and Dr Martin Luther King Jnr (the dude who led the Civil Rights Movement against the haters and crackers in the US).

The three of us sit in a plush, highly secured hotel suite in Oslo, sipping tea and eating vegan crack cakes.

Minga:  Senor Obama, do you think it rather ironic that after you won a prize for peace, you bombed the moon?  I mean honestly, were you on crack?  What did the moon do to you?  Is there an inter-galactic Al-Qaeda Martian cell that we don't know about?  Did the Moon take you out, tell you it loved you then never called?

Obama:  Look, negotiations cannot convince al Qaeda's leaders to lay down their arms. To say that force is sometimes necessary is not a call to cynicism -- it is a recognition of history; the imperfections of man and the limits of reason.  

Gandhi:  You bombed the moon?

Martin Luther King Jnr:  This was not the dream I had intended...

M:  Ok, let's move onto your speech.  Why did you continually try to justify war in your speech regarding the PEACE prize you were awarded?  Are you like one of those guys who tries to justify that it doesn't count as cheating if you never told the girl you were in a relationship?  That it doesn't count as cheating if they were in a different country/drunk/a celebrity?  Because that's kinda desperate and douchy. 

BIG O:  Look I was trying to acknowledge the controversy surrounding the committee's decision.  I'm a big follower of the two gentlemen here, but I cannot follow their examples only. 
DRMLKJ:  Violence never brings permanent peace. It solves no social problem: it merely creates new and more complicated ones.

O:  I totally said that in my speech.

 

M:  So who do you think will win it next year?  The state of Israel?  More importantly how do you think we can achieve peace, Mr Peacemaker?

 O (bi Wan Kenobi):  First, [we must] deal with those nations that break rules and laws...

M:  So the US will finally join the World Court?

O:  No, but...one urgent example is the effort to prevent the spread of nuclear weapons, and to seek a world without them.

M:  So the US will disband their 5,500 nuclear arsenals?

[awkward pause]
 O:  I am working with President Medvedev to reduce America and Russia's nuclear stockpiles.

M:  Ok, that's a start.

O:  But it is also incumbent upon all of us to insist that nations like Iran and North Korea do not game the system...those who seek peace cannot stand idly by as nations arm themselves for nuclear war. 

M:  Dude, four syllables: Hi-ro-shi-ma. 

O:  Alright I'll give you that one.
M:  Na-ga-sa-ki?
O:  I give up. 
[Then he flashes me one of those infamous charming smiles and the hypocrisies are quickly forgotten] 

M:  So Mr Gandhi Sir, are you super pissed off that you were never awarded this prize despite the fact that your whole movement against imperialism was about PEACE and NON-VIOLENCE?  Yet goobers like the Quakers got one?

Gandhi:  I have learned through bitter experience the one supreme lesson to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is transmuted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmuted into a power which can move the world. 
DRMLKJ:  Considering a lot of my inspiration for a non-violent resistance came from you Mr Gandhi, I too agree with the Minga one.  You was robbed son.

Minga:  So if we get angry and violent we can change the world?

(HO) Bama:  I told you.

M:  Speaking of dreams, Dr King, I had this weirdass one where I was running around like mad trying to find a sweater for the dude out of Twilight.  Then he got really mad when I couldn't find one and he became a T-Rex and chased me.

[pause]

MLK:  Is there a question?

M:  No but what of a waste of dream huh?

G:  Fear has its use, but cowardice has none.
O:  I had this dream last night too...

M:  No one cares, War-monger.

And with that, the four of us hug intimately and exchange Facebook details.

*The majority of Obama and Gandhi quotes are real.  We just took them out of context...slightly.  You can find his speech here.