My mentor, guru and ultimate dinner guest nominee, Chris Rock, once noted how he does not believe in The Stripper Myth, that strippers strip to pay their way through college. He proudly asks, "Then how come I never got a smart lapdance? How come I never got a girl going, 'ever since the end of the Cold War, I'm finding NATO obsolete'..."
So why are we bringing the idea of strippers and obsoletes under the Miss Universe umbrella? Because Minga was forced to watch the god forsaken atrocity that is the Miss Universe pageant last night and cannot for the life of her understand why this hideous excuse for a cosmetic surgery orgy is still around. Here's my beef on why it has and always will be, wrong:
1. There is obviously a cosmetic surgeon monopoly on the girls. They all lookalike. You tell me how the Filipino looks half black, half Middle Eastern???
2. It's owned by Donald Trump. Dude who brags about his wealth but really is not that rich in comparison to the big honchos. It's like comparing Lindsay Lohan to Robert Downey Jnr. Yeah she did coke, but Downey probably helped raise the GDP of the entire nation of Colombia.
3. Is it just me or does the show get more boring and banal? Perhaps the contestants could walk in their swimsuits whilst reciting some Sartre? Perhaps they could act out scenes from the books of Marquis de Sade whilst dressed in their national garb? Perhaps they should unban the eligibility of trans-sexuals and stop accepting Singapore as a real country?
4. Do you think because she is named Miss UNIVERSE, once her reign ends, they shove her into a secret test rocket to send into outer space with hopes of running into an alien lifeforce? Because first impressions count and perhaps if the aliens believe that all of humanity looks like this they might be more inclined to make contact? Then again silicon would be such a waste in space where gravity is non-existent.
5. In conclusion, just like strippers, Miss Universe is cliched, desperate and wastes a lot of money, and just like NATO, it should definitely become obsolete.
Speaking of other fabulously ridiculous things that should not see the light of day again, our fashionable part time Sandwich wench, Titan Lover, found us this hilarious video.
