Allow Us to Introduce Ourselves...

Ginga is a ravishing manic depressive with a hunchback, expensive toe socks and jugs to die for.

Likes: Parisian men; homemade seafood paella; Parisian men who make seafood paella; men who don't use babywipes in unusual ways; trouser braces; America's Next Top Model; Parisian men in trouser braces making seafood paella.

Dislikes: heart shaped candy (induces vomiting); umbrellas; sandwiches; induced vomiting; PA's; chats about the weather by PA's; socks; vampire chavs.

Person in History She'd Resurrect Just To Shag: Napolean

 Minga is an ethnically vague, buck toothed, aspiring gay man in a woman's body with a sparkle in her eye.

Likes: Minge jokes; Parisian men; Parisian men who are not repelled; sabotage; High School Musical; laser hair removal; forceful groping; inanimate object costumes; existential prose; eating; being awesome.

Dislikes: Sandwiches; human beings in general; weddings; seafood paella; flutes; text abbreviations like LOL, WTF and OMG; things with more than four legs and wings; diamonds.

Person in History She'd Resurrect Just To Shag: Lord Byron (if his syphilis has disappeared).

Welcome our Minions

Currently Minga and Ginga are extremely busy leading extremely busy lives - what with Ginga whoring it up in Christchurch with Neo-Nazi's and IRA tank drivers, and Minga having an extremely sexual affair with Jon Stewart (in their quest to make the ultimate Super Babies from the Middle East).

Sandwich decided to hire two honourable minions to contribute to the blog. And by hire we mean blackmail, and by blackmail we mean photographic evidence, and by photographic evidence we mean when you're snorting illegal grade-A coke off the abs of a 15 year old Saudi Prince whilst wearing your baby seal fur coat and conflict diamond necklace, DON'T THINK NO ONE WILL FIND OUT!

Let us now introduce them and welcome them to the Sandwich family...

Minion #1 is the quirky accountant (...but aspiring MI6 Agent/Gangsters Moll) and hair model and London correspondent, Sheenghis (Sheena) Khan.

Turn ons: hovering on the edge of anticipation; power drills; arm wrestles; glossy hair products; Excel spreadsheets; building fabulous sets of drawers; 17 degrees; James Dean; the Mafia; ten-pin bowling; chasing the edge; ravaging China, India and half the Persian Empire.

Minion #2 is the ethically and morally vague Christophe, our correspondent in Paris, France.

Turn ons: Russian pilots; Ryan Tedder; the Economist; zebra jumpsuits; singing power ballads on Parisian streets; half-naked one man shows to 80's tunes; the Goddess that is Madonna; Brazilian porn; Brazilian porn featuring Madonna; love; sex and magic.

You have been warned...