INT. PARIS. THE MARAIS. PRETENTIOUSLY MODEST HANGOUT FOR THE PSEUDO-BOHEMIAN RIGHT-MINDED UNEMPLOYED (Llamame!).
A Frenchman and an Englishman catch each other's eye. Frenchman moves toward Englishman. They introduce themselves to each other and talk (out of earshot). Frenchman buys Englishman several drinks. Englishman recoils at each vile whiff of virility emanating from Frenchman but, enfeebled by the watery beer, submits to a snog.
An hour later, Englishman and a Woman catch each other's eye. Englishman moves toward Woman. They introduce themselves to each other and talk (out of ear shot). Englishman buys Woman several drinks. Woman doesn't recoil at him (although she should) or the vinegar-y wine and submits to a snog.
Twenty-four hours later, Englishman and Frenchwoman catch each other's eye.
ENGLISHMAN: Hello there! This is my friend, *****.
The Englishman motions to *****.
WOMAN: Nice to meet you.
ENGLISHMAN: I gave [*****] your number.
WOMAN: Why?
ENGLISHMAN: Because he likes women like you.
WOMAN: What do you mean, "like me"?
ENGLISHMAN: Oh, you know.
WOMAN: No. Enlighten me.
ENGLISHMAN: Like you.
Englishman outlines the curves of a voluptuous woman with his fingers.
A Homo enters. Woman is relieved. Englishman babbles on about something or other.
ENGLISHMAN: Yeah, I'm not that much of a family man. I only see my father when I need money....
More babbling.
ENGLISHMAN: Yeah, children are my life....
More babbling.
ENGLISHMAN: Yeah, I earn several thousand euros a month....
More babbling.
ENGLISHMAN: Yeah, I'm bad in bed.
HOMO: You shouldn't say that. How do you know anyway?
ENGLISHMAN: I can't get it up....
More babbling.
ENGLISHMAN: Yeah, a while ago, I used to pick up all the time, but recently, I've only had sex with prostitutes....
More babbling.
ENGLISHMAN: Yeah, I'm an asshole....
WOMAN: In my experience, men who say that usually are.
More babbling. Englishman leaves. Woman and Homo talk between themselves.
WOMAN: [Englishman] is a creep, but [Frenchman] is so camp that it turns me on.
2 comments:
You forgot to say that Woman finally accepted a drink from Englishman because Woman is half-Jewish.
bahahahaha....that's our girl!!
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