The ‘80s fashion revival works way best on those born in the 1780s. With his taut body shape and soft brown eyes, Napoléon Bonaparte is a dream in his tight white pants and tailored jacket with shoulder pads. Though he describes himself as something of a ‘goofeyball’, and watching him on our shoot, pumping his fist in the air to Bruce Springsteen’s Born To Run testifies to this, he is quite possibly the most elegant person in the room. “People they ask me where I buy my jacket, my shoes, my hat”, says the Corsican, who’s often approached on the street, mostly by starstruck teenage girls. “And common thing that young girl say me is, ‘Ohhh...you’re not that short’. And do you know what I say them? I say ‘oh and you are not that ugly mademoiselle. And I don’t care who you are and where you are from...as long as you love me’ ”. The overall impression you get from Napoléon is of originality, old-world charm and understated eloquence.
Napoléon was one of the final three on World’s Top Dictator, but although he narrowly missed out on the winning title, he is the only one to have built a large teenage fan base. But how did he become the people’s choice? “Mothers are just grateful for the many pleasures and experiences I provide their daughters”, he says, tilting his face towards the makeup artist’s wand. “Apart from one instance when my moustache got caught in mademoiselle’s braces. Very funny! But look on mother’s face when she come escort mademoiselle from my hotel not so funny. Her mother say she miss her period because of me. And I am very sorry for this and I promise that mademoiselle will not miss any more periods – whether it is maths, biologie or physique education, so I take her straight to school after I have finished taking pleasure of her because I know education is very important”. Charming, considerate, kind. It is clear that fame has not yet gone to this dictator’s head.
And fame has certainly come knocking. Since the show Napoléon has had countless requests keeping him squarely in the public eye. Deodorant commercials, endorsements for Jockey’s stockings for men range as well as the role of Bella’s French-speaking vampire boyfriend in the final of the Twilight series. “I like vampires. When I was exile on Saint Helena I watch re-runs of Buffy all the time. Now was my chance to be a real vampire. And Bella was très charmante...” he says, sucking his teeth and making unusual noises as if sucking through a straw.
Ironically, it’s Napoléon’s laissez-faire approach that gives him an edge. He held it together while other WTD contestants like that pussy Mao wept and fell apart. Where does this confidence come from? “My military record is unquestioned—17 years of wars, perhaps six million Europeans died. And I have great hair’’.
We have left the photographer’s studio and travelled to my place. *Editor’s note: Napoléon coming back to Ginga’s place was entirely for the purpose of this shoot. In fact, it was a contractual obligation of this interview as much as Ewen McGregor is contractually obliged to show his willy in every screen appearance. Okay, wrong analogy. But anyway it was entirely for professional reasons...
Napoléon has snuggled down into the carefully (I mean, haphazardly) placed silk cushions of my couch, and has tucked his feet under himself. What does he see himself doing in 10 years’ time? ‘Hopefully having fun, that’s all I can say. I don’t want to be all burned out from too much work. My hair it just rip from peroxide’.
He’s referring to the ends of his hair that were bleached for the purpose of his recent role as the world’s sexiest vampire. Unfortunately my air con has decided to break down that day. It was working every other day. As he studies the ends of his hair with one hand he loosens the buttons of his jacket with the other, revealing the edge of silver trouser braces underneath. A glisten of perspiration can be seen on his tanned chest as he takes his jacket off and roles up the sleeves of his white, crisp Egyptian cotton shirt.
So for all his adoring young fans out there, what does Napoléon find really attractive in a woman? “I used to tell my ex-wife Joséphine to not to bother to shower because I would be back home from war in three months. I like....sweat patches".
Eclipse: Bella and the Vampire with a Really Hot French Accent is released on 14 Dec.
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