Where's My Freakin' Film Review? Paranormal Activity

"Hair raising and chilling!" The Guardian

"Hands down, the scariest, most terrifying movie of the year" Hollywood Independent

"You'll enjoy giving birth to a T-Rex and eating your own back hair before you enjoy this" Wheresmyfreakinsandwich.blogspot.com

                                         [even they've passed out from their own boredom)

Did you ever see The Happening in which people began killing themselves, like throwing themselves into lions' dens or under lawnmowers (for real!) whilst Mark Wahlberg and that giant eyed Zooey chick run around like mad trying to figure it all and in the end you realise it was some toxic chemical produced by plants? The culprits were the trees that made people kill themselves - TREES!  And to top it off, the biggest irony was that contrary to the title nothing actually happens in The Happening?  

Paranormal decided to join in that sedate-and-bore club but tries to justify it by using the Blair Witch methodology of mocu-real digital film making - 'real found footage!' 'of real people!' 'of a real story!' which works wonders for publicity (cue over hyped, bull-douchery reviews) but fails miserably with the actual product.

The film follows an American couple who, convinced they are being haunted in their own home, decide to record their lives on tape to prove if indeed there is any paranormal activity (cleverrrrr).

But of course not much happens except for some banal dialogue, boring acting and some shoddy cheap thrills - but all near the end, after you've already stopped caring and drifted off to dreamland, where you are a brooding Goddess and Adrian Brody and his magnificent nose, feed you grapes as you recline in your velvet chaise.

aaahhhh........

                                              [His King can invade our Kong anytime...)

What was my point?  Right, movie sucked.  Remember.