Letter to Robert Pattinson

Dearest R-Pattz,

Man with the magnificent Mane

And fabulous half-Chinga eyes

Please explain to me the ending of your film
'Remember Me'

Because it was so intensely random

That my head exploded

And that wasn't pretty

Unlike your beautiful concave face

In fact, I think you owe everyone in the theatre

An explanation

Dinner

A sponge bath

And a packet of fags.

Because I'm out.

Get me though?
Respect.

Love and mono-brows for life,

Minga