The blatantly self-absorbed shameful debaucle* that is the Academy Awards will be rearing its ugly head once again this March. Now with the exception of District 9, anyone else think the majority of the Best Picture nominees are somewhat sounding more like porn titles? Or is it just us (in particular Minga who has obviously had her share of porn to last one a lifetime)? Well, like Step Up 2 (which clearly should have been nominated) let's take it to the streets:
An Education
Sandwich Verdict: Paedophilia.
Actual plot: An older man gets it on with a 16 year old school girl in 1960's London.
The Hurt Locker
Sandwich Verdict: Sadism
Actual plot: War in Iraq.
Inglorius Basterds
Sandwich Verdict: Unsatisfactory masturbation
Actual plot: Nazi hunters and Jewish vengeance amidst a re-envisioning of WWII.
Up
Sandwich verdict: Elderly porn with Viagra.
Actual plot: Animation about some old guy going on an adventure with his house.
Up in the Air
Sandwich Verdict: Mile High club
Actual: Clooney flying around the US firing people. Unfortunately there's only one sex scene and it occurs on the ground with no naked Clooney. Blasphemous.
Precious: Based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire
Sandwich: Self explanatory really.
Actual: Tag line reads: "Life is hard. Life is short. Life is painful. Life is rich. Life is....Precious."
Avatar
Sandwich: Sex with aliens.
Actual Plot: Human takes on an avatar form and has sex with alien.
A Serious Man
Sandwich: Homo's who mean business.
Actual: Jewish infidelity.
The Blind Side
Sandwich: Really?
Actual: American football..zzzzz
*This was the day the Oscars died. Gwyneth, we're looking at you.
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