So apparently the great Mills&Boon publishing house, now over 100 years old, has reported a high increase in women downloading E-books of their fabulous trashy romance novels.
Minga is personally looking forward to reading, "Nurse, Nanny...Bride!" from their medical series (a series dedicated to contemporary romances set against the medical profession....genius). BBC called it 'women wishing to be swept off their feet by their hero'.
Here at Sandwich we're all about bullshit and non-existent realities too. So this got us thinking about the typical heroes we fall in love with in the movies, but whom fail to present themselves in the miserable drag that is reality.
Minga is personally looking forward to reading, "Nurse, Nanny...Bride!" from their medical series (a series dedicated to contemporary romances set against the medical profession....genius). BBC called it 'women wishing to be swept off their feet by their hero'.
Here at Sandwich we're all about bullshit and non-existent realities too. So this got us thinking about the typical heroes we fall in love with in the movies, but whom fail to present themselves in the miserable drag that is reality.
1. The Bradley Cooper Effect
Damn you Universe, damn you Cooper.
2. The 'Will' from Glee/Mathew Morrison Effect.
In real life, you went to an all girls school and the only male teachers were rather unhinged, wore green and beige, together, and often had some incurable skin disease.
3. The Katherine Heigl Effect.
Girl meets Boy. Girl Hates on Boy. Girl falls for horribly cliched cheating three lettered named Other Boy. Girl obviously stupid. Boy suddenly begins to like Girl. Boy attempts to take Girl away from horribly cliched cheating three lettered named Other Boy, of whom only Boy knows is horrible and cheating. Girl suddenly likes Boy. The End.
If you honestly know anyone in this world who has hated someone with a passion then suddenly and miraculously loved them within the span of 90 minutes, then please let us know, but until then, Heigl, Queen of contemporary rom-coms, you're dead to us.
4. The Boy-Next-Door Effect.
See any vomit-inducing unfunny teen flicks (ie James Franco's early works), or Taylor Swift music videos.
5. The Freddie Prinze Jnr Effect
The Jock or pretty rich boy with the heart of gold, who doesn't quite fit into his uber-jocky/rich environment, and really is quite loveable and normal and learns that real people are beautiful on the inside (see She's All That and majority of 80's teen flicks the Master, John Hughes, ever did). In reality, said boys are often either coke-headed rapists or look like Bill Gates. Take your prick. (We heart puns).
6. The John Hughes Effect
Speaking of the legend, Hughes, let's bring in here the geeky BFF (see Ducky from Pretty in Pink, Dawson's Crack and My Best Friend's Wedding). He's the kid you grew up with, your Robin to your Batman, your Mulder to your Scully, your Will to your Grace. He never quite put you in the 'shag-to-be' pile, until now. When he realised the love of his life had been his best friend for life...vomit. CAPS LOCK VOMIT. We're too nauseated to continue.
7. The Ethan Hawke Effect
You're finally making that big trip to Europe, reading some Voltaire in the bustling second class carriage of a train, listening to the millions of languages being spoken around you, when suddenly a dashing handsome stranger slides on next to you and you find yourself wondering Vienna together for the next 24 hours, contemplating life, the Universe and your insane love for one another. See Before Sunrise or most horror/propaganda films involving big teethed, bad actors going to foreign lands and being kidnapped/mutilated/killed for body organs.
In reality, you meet a hot Ukranian Jew in Berlin, who then ditches you at the airport. Reality not only bites, but chews and spits you back out.
8. The Pen Pal Effect
He's the perfect man, your soulmate, your reason for living, you've probably never even met! But for some horrible reason, you're kept apart and your only connection is through a series of letters or emails, declaring your love for each other and how no one else in this sad cruel world can understand you better than him. Think You've Got Mail, The Lakehouse and Dear John - can we just take a second and decide how awful this fucking one looks?
In reality pen pals, particularly in the jungle that is the web, are more than often paedophiles/fat camp dropouts/cousins looking for marriage and passports/that chump Tom from MySpace who's everyone's friend. None of which look remotely like Keanu.
9. The Marvel Comics Effect
Damsel is in distress. Magnificent hero comes to her rescue. They fall in love. Think any comic book film, action flick, or if we're being more malicious, Twilight. These films are clever though in that they show that this kind of love is as believable as the existence of super mutant/super vampire/super alien heroes.
10. The Patty Hearst Effect.
Based on the real life socialite Patty Hearst who was kidnapped by a guerilla army and ended up joining and helping them fight their cause. The kidnappee who falls for her captors. See Out of Sight (though to be fair if your captor is the glorious George Clooney, only a soulless hater of all humanity would not be taken in).
In reality - well if it worked for Hearst, it could be possible. So there you go, the only chance we have in this miserable world of a real life hero, is either mutants, vampires or being kidnapped by a hot guerilla army who will hopefully not chop your head off.
5. The Freddie Prinze Jnr Effect
6. The John Hughes Effect
7. The Ethan Hawke Effect
You're finally making that big trip to Europe, reading some Voltaire in the bustling second class carriage of a train, listening to the millions of languages being spoken around you, when suddenly a dashing handsome stranger slides on next to you and you find yourself wondering Vienna together for the next 24 hours, contemplating life, the Universe and your insane love for one another. See Before Sunrise or most horror/propaganda films involving big teethed, bad actors going to foreign lands and being kidnapped/mutilated/killed for body organs.
In reality, you meet a hot Ukranian Jew in Berlin, who then ditches you at the airport. Reality not only bites, but chews and spits you back out.
8. The Pen Pal Effect
He's the perfect man, your soulmate, your reason for living, you've probably never even met! But for some horrible reason, you're kept apart and your only connection is through a series of letters or emails, declaring your love for each other and how no one else in this sad cruel world can understand you better than him. Think You've Got Mail, The Lakehouse and Dear John - can we just take a second and decide how awful this fucking one looks?
In reality pen pals, particularly in the jungle that is the web, are more than often paedophiles/fat camp dropouts/cousins looking for marriage and passports/that chump Tom from MySpace who's everyone's friend. None of which look remotely like Keanu.
9. The Marvel Comics Effect
[Edward Cullen before the Rogaine]
10. The Patty Hearst Effect.
[not Patty Hearst]
Based on the real life socialite Patty Hearst who was kidnapped by a guerilla army and ended up joining and helping them fight their cause. The kidnappee who falls for her captors. See Out of Sight (though to be fair if your captor is the glorious George Clooney, only a soulless hater of all humanity would not be taken in).
In reality - well if it worked for Hearst, it could be possible. So there you go, the only chance we have in this miserable world of a real life hero, is either mutants, vampires or being kidnapped by a hot guerilla army who will hopefully not chop your head off.
Oh Universe why art thou so cruel?
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